Do you have any questions for me? That was the way she ended her presentation. Do you have any questions for me? My reply was “No. Thank You. Lovely presentation.” I stood up to leave the meeting. The saleswoman was stunned. She stammered, “So is this a service you want?” In my softest tone I ask, “what did you learn about my company that would make you think I would want this service?” She perked back up, “Well, we have a 5-star review in Consumer Reports, we can save you an estimated 30% on processing expenses and our online app makes for easy use.” Again, in my sugary voice, “what part of my company does integrates with this service?” She didn’t have an answer and meekly followed me to the door. Friends, I will tell you why she didn’t have an answer. She never asked me a question.
Welcome to Swimming in the Flood; a podcast where we develop the resilient leader’s mindset by navigating difficult currents in business. My name is Trent Theroux.
Asking questions is hard work. It takes learning, planning, investigating and research. Most of all it takes courage. The courage isn’t to overcome the fear of rejection. It’s the courage not to break the status quo. Conversations can be easy. There are rhythms you have when conversing. It’s like a tango. Two people moving in unison to a beat a pitter patter. Questions disrupt the normal flow of a conversation because sometimes the person being asked might be offended. Let me give you an example.
In November 2018, days before the mid-term elections, Donald Trump held his longest White House press briefing. And it may have been his most memorable. The President began taking questions and called on CNN’s Jim Acosta. Acosta tried to ask about the President’s characterization of a migrant caravan heading towards the southern border. Trump immediately interrupted Acosta saying, “Here we go.” Acosta then asked about Trump’s use of the word “invasion.” The President tried to switch to another journalist, but Acosta declined to yield the microphone. Trump then told Acosta to put the microphone down, but Acosta refused. Think about this for a second. The President of the United States is giving you a direct order and you are refusing. He knows the nuclear codes, but you want your question answered.
The President then went on a tirade and began berating Acosta from the lectern. Ultimately, Acosta was punished by having his White House press credentials rescinded.
Later in the new conference, Yamiche Alcindor, correspondent for PBS, asked the president about labeling himself a nationalist and whether he felt that emboldened white nationalists. “That’s such a racist question.” Was Trump’s reply. In a tweet that night Yamiche wrote, “We press on. We focus on the privilege of asking questions for a living.”
Most of us do not ask questions for a living. The reason is simple. Because it’s hard. There’s also another reason. Quick show of hands. How many of you are a little scared of asking questions? Hmm? I’m starting to see some hands go up. I’m going to let you in on a little secret. You’re not alone.
Rogophobia is the fear of asking questions. According to Paul Lanigan at Sandler, one reason salespeople hesitate to ask questions is that they do not know exactly what to ask, or how to phrase their questions. Or the salesperson’s parents discouraged them from asking a lot of questions as a child. They were taught that asking too many questions is considered annoying or even rude. While there are many reasons salespeople are reluctant to ask questions, sometimes it simply comes down to a fear of rejection. They fear the prospect finding their pitch useless.
But, this fear can extend well beyond sales calls.
I am now going to give you my unscientific, non-peer reviewed, resilient leader theory on rogophopia. Are you ready? Got your pencils out? Here’s it is. Ask Your Question. You heard it. Ask Your Question.
Over a decade ago, I was invited to a dinner hosted by my bank at which Jack Nicklaus would join for a question and answer session. For those of you who do not golf. Jack Nicklaus has won the most major golf tournaments of all time. He was the big deal before that guy named Tiger came along. Jack’s also a big deal because he is the reason I started golfing. I watched his amazing win at the 1986 Masters and went to a golf course the next day.
There was a reception line to meet Jack and the bank president when you arrived at the dinner. You could shake hands with Jack and have your picture taken. The first thing I noticed was that Jack is not a big man. He might be 5’ 9”. I’m looking at the picture we took together and I’m towering over him. Yet, this man was the biggest hitter the tour had ever seen.
The dinner was fine. But I ate with the anticipation of listening to a few stories from Jack. Afterwards, Jack and the bank president sat in two chairs on a small stage chit chatting about some of Jack’s highlights. The stories were light and fun. Some we’ve heard through other outlets before. Some were fresh and funny. Then, the bank president suggested Jack to take questions from the audience.
I scanned the crowd. Not a single person had their hand raised. Not one. Presumably, they were all here to meet Jack. The invitation read – “Question and Answers with Jack.” Yet, nobody raised their hand until I did.
“Jack, my name is Trent. The biggest problem I have in golf is standing on the 16th tee with a one stroke lead and some money on the line. How do you handle that pressure?” I can still hear myself asking the question. I prepared the question on the car ride to dinner. It was the answer I was not prepared for. Jack spent twenty minutes answering my question. He started by praising me for being in the enviable position of leading a match on the 16th hole. 80% of my work was done. He then turned the answer into a business response mentioning preparation, training, scouting and business intelligence. Jack said he would arrive at Augusta National Golf Club, that’s where they play the Masters tournament, he would get there two weeks early just to see how the grass grew differently from the prior year. He would look to see how the greens were being cut. He would study weather charts to see if there were differences that he needed to prepare for.
Some of his competitors showed up a week before the tournament. Others showed up a couple days early. Jack would listen to them as they moved around the course. “Boy, the greens sure are fast.” Jack would think “One down.” “Wow, this rough is thick.” “Another one down.” Jack was eliminating competitors by their lack of preparation. And, boosting his own confidence at the same time.
Jack then focused on me. “Trent, what makes you nervous on the 16th tee with a one-shot lead?” I responded, “Well, I wish it was a five shot lead.” Jack laughed and said, “We all do. So, what’s the problem?” “Well Jack, I’m nervous that I’m going to make a mistake and hit one in the woods and lose the match.” “Trent. Very understandable problem. Listen, you were a good enough golfer to be leading at this point, correct? So why are you choosing the 16th hole to question your abilities? It is your opponents who should be nervous. They had 18 chances to be ahead of you. They are now down to only three chances. You took the lead. They are the ones feeling nervous.”
The answer was perfect. We went from a discussion on golf to one on first mover advantages. I thanked Jack for the answer and the bank president looked at his watch. “It looks like we have time for one more question.” Every hand in the room went up. Some people put up two hands. Everyone wanted a personalized answer from Jack Nicklaus. They all wanted what I had.
Because I asked my question. Friends, ask the first question. Ask your question. When given the opportunity to learn – take it. You may get a little more knowledge than you expected.
Folks, thank you for listening to Swimming in the Flood. Resilient leaders face challenging currents, and it is tough navigating, but with one tack or another we can get there together.