Do you often reflect on how we become the people that we are today? How much influence parents, friends, coworkers have over the shape of who we are and the course of our lives? In the past two weeks, three people told me that they appreciated the work I do. One wrote it on LinkedIn, one sent me an email and a third came into my office. In each case, my chest swelled with pride over my positive effect on someone’s life. Their encouragement made me want to work harder to make positive impacts on people’s lives.
For the past two years, in each podcast, I try to find a behavioral science topic, integrate it with a business issue and work in a personal, humorous anecdote. Well, at least one that’s humorous to me. Today, I want to break format to tell you two stories of people that affected my life in meaningful ways.
Here is my unscientific, non-peer reviewed, resilient leader theory on understanding how we got where we are. Are you ready? Got your pencils out? Here’s it is. Honor Your Mentors. You heard it. Honor Your Mentors
The theory is simple. I’ll tell you how it works after the open.
Welcome to Swimming in the Flood; a podcast where we develop the resilient leader’s mindset by navigating difficult currents in business. My name is Trent Theroux.
At various keynote speeches and corporate training seminars, I tell stories of successes and failures in my life. I’m most proud of the final item on my list – an unprecedented swim. The first nine items on my list were about me and my recovery. The final item I wanted to do for someone else as a way to show my gratitude and good fortune. I created a foundation to provide durable medical goods for those with spinal cord injuries. I swim because I got out of the wheelchair. I swim for those who won’t get out of the wheelchair.
Swimming is an integral part of my life. Water runs through my veins. The best relationships that I’ve made over the past forty years have come from my swimming. The time and money I donate are because of my swimming. I have some great stories about swimming backstroke to Block Island in a hurricane or encountering ferries in the English Channel, but I want to leave you with one final story about how what might be the genesis of how I define myself.
My scoutmaster challenged me to try the mile swim when I was twelve. I wasn’t very excited. He watched me earn my lifesaving merit badge and saw the way I moved in the water. The inducement was that I could earn a special badge …and that I would be the only one in the troop with that badge. I was sold! I might have asked how far a mile was. The answer was it was eight lengths from where we were standing to a dock out in the middle of the lake. It didn’t seem that far…and ultimately it wasn’t. I made the swim comfortably. When we returned home, my scoutmaster had a conversation with my parents and gave them what might be the most important piece of advice I’ve ever received. “Put Trent on a swim team.” That piece of advice changed my life forever and led me to becoming the man I am today. The person who gave that caring insight is my scoutmaster, Mr. John Greene.
Midway through the week, my Scoutmaster John Greene suggested that I try the mile swim, which takes place on the last morning of the week, as we break camp. He watched me swim for a few days and said that I have some talent at the sport. Plus, I would be the only member of the troop to earn the “One Mile Swim“ badge, which I could wear on my uniform. The badge was large and white with a red seahorse insignia. Constantly looking for ways to stand out in the crowd, a special badge would more than do the trick. I asked Mr. Greene how far a mile was. He was unsure and walked me over to the lake front to find out.
The head lifeguard was sitting in his high white chair and looked like a member of KISS without the makeup. Styx’s Blue Collar Man was blaring on his radio as he started to describe the swim. He said we needed to swim from the deep water to the far away buoy eight times and that I would need a boat to guide me. “That buoy’s itself is a mile away!” I said not appreciating my mismeasurement. “How do I get ready for that swim in two days?” I asked.
“I guess you should swim a few laps in the deep end,” Mr. Greene advised. I swam a lap here and there over the next few days not clear how far I was swimming. I was pretending to train rather than actually training. What did I know? I never swam more than a length of a 25-yard pool at a time.
It was hot at dawn on Saturday morning and a swim was going to be a great way to spend the morning. As a bonus, because I entered into the swim, Mr. Green excused me from the tasks of cleaning up the campsite. I wish there were more swim events that could excuse me from work.
Eight people entered the swim. All of them were between fifteen and seventeen years old. I was by far the youngest. A canoe spotted each swimmer. “To make sure you don’t drown,” Gene Simmons said.
Gulp!
“How many people drown in this swim?”
“Nearly half” Gene replied.
Gulp! All of a sudden cleaning the campsite sounded like a good idea. We started from the docks and slogged toward the first buoy. At the first turn, I asked my spotter Alan Sinclair how I was doing.
“I thought you were a fast swimmer?” he replied. “These other kids are killing you.”
I was confused. I thought the mile was a distance event and I should take it easy.
“Nah.” Alan scoffed “you should swim fast and beat these guys.”
So, I did. I put my head down and motored back towards the beach, passing four other swimmers. I kept the pace going and before long, I lapped two of the other swimmers. I had more than a full-length lead on the closest swimmer when I got out of the water and walked down the beach toward the camp jamboree held in the central square. One of the J.N. Webster scoutmasters stopped me at the end of the beach as I was walking. “Did you stop early son?”
“No sir.”
“You know the mile swim is eight laps?”
“Yes sir.”
“Did you do all eight laps?”
“Yes sir he did.” Alan announced behind me. “He was the first finisher.”
“Good job, young man.”
Score one for the chubby kid!
Something happened to me on the way to meet my fellow scouts at the Jamboree as I went from having a swagger in my step to a limp. I didn’t step on anything or hurt myself, but something inside of me wanted to tell the members of Troop 6 how hard the swim was. How painful it was. How I fought through life and death and fresh-water sharks to complete the swim. I was embarrassed to tell them just how easy the swim was.
I guess I feared that if everyone else thought the swim was easy then they would all try it and everyone would come home with one with the special badge. My own vanity was getting in the way of my vanity.
When my parents picked me up at the end of the trip home, Mr. Greene told them of my success in the swim and suggested that they should investigate putting me on a swim team that fall at the YMCA.
According to The Muse, first and foremost there’s probably a reason you didn’t get the promotion and you need to be honest about why that is. You’ll also need to work through any feelings of jealousy or anger, so you can continue doing your job, and doing it well.
Next, tell whoever promoted your colleague that you’re good with the decision. Hearing the news that someone else has been promoted over you is difficult to accept, but you need to respond with respect and support. It won’t be easy because of the hurt you are experiencing. As developing resilient leaders, we need to rise above this momentary pain and demonstrate our graciousness.
I respect that these two items will not be easy for everyone to accomplish.
Four years ago I watched an abysmal scene in San Francisco as protesters filled the streets carrying signs reading Cal-exit. A play on the state of California and United Kingdom’s Brexit vote. Chants of “Not My President” filled the air as protesters mugged before the cameras and acted as petulant adolescents.
My commentary is not to endorse the lawfully elected president, but rather to express my disgust at the rabid display of hate on the streets. Can you image if this took place in our offices? Can you imagine that half of the company openly rebelled against a promotion? People carrying signs reading – “Inside sales is sailing off!” Chanting “Not my office manager! Not my office manager!”
When did it become acceptable to openly riot because our candidate lost?
I miss President Bush, the first one, the smart one. Here is what he had to say about losing.
Folks, thank you for listening to Swimming in the Flood. Resilient leaders face challenging currents and it is tough navigating, but with one tack or another we can get there together.