34. Running With The Bull

Have you ever run with the bulls? Put on your white shirt, mix into the crowd, listening to their screams and grunts in every language imaginable, laced up your shoes, waited for the opening bell to ring then zoomed off. Zigging and zagging trying to find the best opportunity to get through the maze and into the crowed arena where thousands of fans are cheering? Or, did you sell off your 401k before the rally began?

Welcome to Swimming in the Flood; a podcast where we develop the resilient leader’s mindset by navigating difficult currents in business. My name is Trent Theroux.

In this trying week, developing resilient leaders may want to listen to something more relevant than my traipsing through the streets of Pamplona. Okay how’s this.

The Dow Jones Industrial Average closed below 20,000 today. The last time it closed that low was…when? I’ll give you a heartbeat to guess. When was the last time that the Dow closed under 20,000? The answer is three years ago. That’s it! Three years ago. The pandemonium in the markets over the past two weeks is violent enough to scare even hardened financial traders. Let me offer a lens for which developing resilient leaders can view these events.
My first experience with markets crashing was in 1987. I was waitering on a Monday evening in college and the entire news hour was dedicated to the 22+% drop in the Dow that one day. Truthfully, I knew something big was happening, but I didn’t have any money in the market so I didn’t feel the effect so much. My next experience was in 2001. During the year prior, every stock that was tangential to dot com or tel/comm was doubling every other month. I speculated, guess right, sold off and used the proceeds to buy a car. Then, the Federal Reserve chairman, Alan Greenspan, testified that the market were exhibiting irrational exuberance. The market crashed and so did my modest investments. It was the first time I heard the joke, “my 401k is now a 201k.” In 2008, we hit the granddaddy. The great recession sent millions of people to the unemployment line as the underpinnings of the US economy were fractured and without support. I watched what I thought was a solid retirement nest egg shrivel with each passing day. Now the Coronavirus. I’m on the back nine of my working years and my opportunity to earn is limited by the number of years I have to invest.

Here is my point in bringing up these four examples. Where ever you are on the spectrum. Just starting to save, having a little money in your pocket, steadily building your nest egg or nearing your retirement years, where ever you are I guarantee you that you are thinking one thought today…should I sell today to cut my losses. The market is falling apart. Everything I own is now half off. Should I get out now before the other shoe drops? In a word, this is panic. Panic about the unknown, the unforeseeable and the unexplainable. Panic is the sudden uncontrollable fear or anxiety often causing wildly unthinking behavior. Google panic and you will find plenty of reasons to panic…and I’m not talking about panic rooms or Panic, at the disco!

I am now going to give you my unscientific, non-peer reviewed, resilient leader theory on panic. Are you ready? Got your pencils out? Here’s it is. Drink a Corona. You heard it. Drink a Corona. This theory has been endorsed by local liquor stores around the country.

The theory is simple here’s how it works. It is true that we are living in an exceedingly complicated time. Every norm that we’ve accepted in our lives is being questioned this week and we are all being asked to change. My magic mirror shows me that there are many of you that are not comfortable with some of the changes. Folks, change is going to be inevitable in the coming weeks. Pop open a corona, squeeze in a lime and enjoy some of the early spring sunshine. There will be sunshine and the days will get better. It is true that the bull run of the stock market is over. But, you only experience a loss if you sell. I’ll say that again. You only actually lose money in your accounts if you happen to sell. The professional money managers already took their money off the table. They are now waiting for you to panic and sell your stocks so they can buy at rock bottom prices. The greatest gains in the market followed each of the three examples I gave you. And, I fully expect that this market will start running again when the virus panic subsides.

Developing resilient leaders now is the time to demonstrate our leadership by not panicking. These are trying times, but save the panic, and the fear and the sweats and the anxiety when you are in mortal peril, like when you are actually running from a bull.

Speaking of which. (I’m so glad you asked) I first learned about the running of the bulls when I was reading The Sun Also Rises, by Ernest Hemmingway. The book was the type where you’d start reading on a Monday and finish over breakfast Tuesday morning, a complete page turner and it inspired me to be among the throngs of revelers in the steamy July Pamplona party.

We arrived by bus and witnessed a scene straight from the twilight show. Thousands of people were milling around a central park drinking sangrias straight from the jug. Each was wearing the exact same clothing; white shirt, white pants, red scarf and a red sash. Some ladies may have exchanged a long white skirt for the pants otherwise they were the exact same. Thousands of people singing in the streets, meandering in small groups, making new friends, drinking more sangria and singing louder.

Hundreds of the brave lined up on the corridor to wait our opportunity to run. Hundreds of mostly men with the same clothing compressed together in a very narrow chute. The course is lined with a wooden railing fence. Actually, it’s double lined so you can jump over the first fence as the bull is charging you, but the bull won’t come near the crowd pressed against the second fence. The police mingled in the pre-dawn crowd pulling out drunks who haven’t stopped partying for the last few nights. The last thing we all need is a staggering slouch knocking us down like 10-pins.

The bulls come from behind two very large doors. At 8:00am a rocket is launched announcing that the large doors are open. I felt this immediate surge in my back pushing me forward and downward a little. Then, comes the second rocket about two minutes later. This rocket announces that the six bulls were released and pandemonium ensues. The densely packed crowd manically surges forward and you try to shuffle your feet to keep your balance.
Out of all this noise and commotion, I was stunned that I could pick out the snorting of the bulls. Their breathing was labored and violent as they stampeded down the cobblestone street. The crowd disperses a little to the sides to get out of their path, and their horns. Some jackasses try to dance in front of them. Secretly, I was hoping that they would get gored. I turned a corner and was welcomed with a little more room on each side. The run is about a half a mile and winds through a few streets as it leads into the arena at the end of the longest stretch.

Panic, while we are speaking of panic, I can tell you that I was seriously questioning my decision making as I could feel the bulls approaching me. I measured how quickly I could jump to safety if I needed, but at the same time, there was exhilaration. The nervous energy of not knowing how this would work out send electricity through my veins.

The bulls were sweating as they approached. Their backs glistened with sweat. Several people jumped onto the rails for safety. The bulls were herded together tightly in a formidable pack. Snorting. Grunting. Bearing down on where I was running.

The street was wider when the bulls caught me. They had their lane and I had mine. The second after the bulls passed, the exhilaration of running began to ebb. I could feel my heart calm. My pace was slower. A sense of safety set in and eased my mind. The panic passed, but the memory has stayed with me for a decade.

The panic will pass in the markets and in the world. Soon, we will be left with only a memory of how this affected us. Reasonable decisions now will serve us best in the future. If you are on edge and considering a rash decision, I suggest that you drink a corona. Or, if you’re feeling adventurous, put on a white shirt, white pants, red sash and we can share a sangria together.

Folks, thank you for listening to Swimming in the Flood. Resilient leaders face challenging currents and it is tough navigating, but with one tack or another we can get there together.

If you’ve got a couple of minutes, please check out my new website, trenttheroux.com. And, while you’re thinking of it – subscribe to the podcast. That way you can get developing resilient leader theories hot off the presses. If you’ve ever run with the bulls please send me an email at info@trenttheroux.com. I’d love to hear how you made it.
Thanks for taking the time to listen. See ya.

33. Join The Sales Resistance

I went to the market to pick up some milk and sundries for my weekly meals. At the front of the store was a table with stacks of Girl Scout cookies. They had all best kinds; thin mints, peanut butter patties, s’mores, Caramel de Lites, they had everything. Behind the table were three pre-adolescent girls each holding a box in front of them, waiting for my arrival and inspection. Of course, I was going to buy cookies. Wouldn’t you? Beyond being delicious, I support this program because of the entrepreneurship endorsed by the Girl Scouts of America. The GSA is teaching our young women about developing financially stable futures and using their skills to make a big impact on the world. I gladly bought two boxes and went in to the market to get my groceries.

Leaving the market, I saw the Girl Scout table again, but now it was being operated by four new girls. These girls were younger and even more adorable than the previous group each holding a box of cookies ready to snare me in their trap. Maybe that was their plan all along.

Welcome to Swimming in the Flood; a podcast where we develop the resilient leader’s mindset by navigating difficult currents in business. My name is Trent Theroux.

I realized that this was a well-run operation. Their positioning was strategic, their staffing was devious and their results were impressive. Planting yourself in front of a location where people purchase enough cookies to fill Carnegie Hall is ingenious. Why buy Oreos when thin mints are in the menu? Be gone Chips Ahoy Peanut Butter Sandwiches rule this neck of the woods. Who cares that the cost per cookies is 187% higher than in the store. We’re working for a good cause here. And the marketing. Oh the marketing. The replacement Girl Scouts had a deal for me. One box for $5 or four for $20. How many can I put you down for? I tried to show the girls that I already bought two boxes, but the smiled. The smiled their half-toothless smile. These second graders with the adorable whistles between their words were conceived as selling machines by Don Draper himself. Of course I bought two more boxes. Wouldn’t you.

According to Training, the official publication of training magazine network, in 2018 U.S. sales training expenditures were estimated to be $87.6 billion. On average companies spent just under $1,000 per salesperson. The average non-profit spent $1,340. You heard that right. Non-profits spend an average of $1,340 per salesperson. Imagine what they need to sell just to break even on their sales costs. My point is that sales people are trained to sell. They are trained to understand the selling conditions. They are trained to overcome objections and they are trained to close deals.

How are you trained? If we were playing chess, you would be trained in how to play offense or defense. Basketball – the same. You’re taught to play at both ends of the court. But sales? People are trained in salesmanship, not sales resistance…until now.

I am now going to give you my unscientific, non-peer reviewed, resilient leader theory on sales resistance. Are you ready? Got your pencils out? Here’s it is. Don’t Sign The Petition. You heard it. Don’t Sign The Petition. This theory has not been endorsed by the World Wildlife Foundation
The theory is simple here’s how it works. Have you ever had a knock on the door and found an idealistic college student on a mission to save the world asking you to sign their petition? So have I. She was working for an organization who was trying to ban water from being discharged into my local bay. She was prepared with the statistics about how much water overflowed from the drainage systems and how many pollutants were being belched into the salt water harming the ecosystem. She needed my help to stop these polluters from continuing to ruin the future of the bay for her and her future children. “Would you be willing to sign my petition to show your support for tougher regulations on discharge?” She held her pen and clipboard out to me and waited for me to sign. Wouldn’t you? The young woman didn’t want anything other than for me to agree that we shouldn’t dump crap into the bay. What type of insensitive bastard would I be if I didn’t support such a noble cause? Particularly, if it got her off my doorstep and let me get back to my dinner.

Folks, thank you for listening to Swimming in the Flood. Resilient leaders face challenging currents and it is tough navigating, but with one tack or another we can get there together.

If you’ve got a couple of minutes, please check out my new website, trenttheroux.com. And, while you’re thinking of it – subscribe to the podcast. That way you can get developing resilient leader theories hot off the presses. If you would like to discuss your next speaking or training event please send me an email at info@trenttheroux.com.
Thanks for taking the time to listen. See ya.

32. A Clean Shave (Reprise)

The passing of Jack Welch this week inspired me to update and replay this podcast.

31. Fiery Competition

I was in complete awe watching the fiery finish to last week’s Daytona 500. For those of you who are unaware of this story let me start by saying that Ryan Newman walked out of the hospital, under his own power, 42 hours after the crash.

In the final lap of the Daytona 500, the remaining racers were tightly bunched and zooming across the backstretch in their effort to win The Great American Race. Ryan Newman car was hit in the rear sending it flying into the air. Then, the car bounced off the rail – in mid-air and flipped. On its way down, another car struck Newman directly in the driver’s side door. Newman car was skidding down the track, upside down, when it burst into flames. All of this happened at 200 miles per hour. Newman was trapped inside his car ablaze waiting for rescue.

It makes me wonder if we in business race at top speed, almost out of control, one little nudge away from a fiery exit.

Welcome to Swimming in the Flood; a podcast where we develop the resilient leader’s mindset by navigating difficult currents in business. My name is Trent Theroux.

The global commercial aircraft market is dominated by two manufacturers, Boeing, an American company and Airbus, a European conglomerate. This intense rivalry affects everyday passengers in virtually every way in the skies; how much leg room you have, how long you can fly between stops, how much you pay for your seat. The heated competition between these two companies sets an example of the best and the worst in corporate competition. Here’s an example.
Many of you are aware of the failures of Boeing’s 737 MAX aircraft and their two fatal, horrific crashes. What many may not realize is that these crashes were a direct result of the fierce competition with Airbus. The 737 family are Boeing’s most produced and best commercial airplanes, but it has several disadvantages when compared to Airbus’ A320, most notable of which was fuel consumption. Labor contracts fix the costs to operate planes as most major carriers have unions and negotiated contracts.

In 2010, Airbus developed a version of the A320 called the A320neo, with neo representing “new engine option.” This new plane provided airlines with additional fuel savings and it ran on the same airframe, thus reducing the need to recertify or retrain pilots.

This event sent ripples through Boeing, threatening the precarious balance in this duopoly. The engineering challenge that Boeing faced was that their wings were lower to the ground than the A320s. They made this engineering decision in the ‘70s. And, while good for many decades, it was not able to handle larger engines without a complete redesign. The A320 was already higher and the larger neo engine easy fixed onto the airframe.

Boeing had a choice. They could take several years to redesign the airframe to better accommodate larger engines. While they travel down this path they would most likely need to deeply discount their current 737s to maintain their competitive position against the superior A320. Or…or…they could find a way to put the bigger engine onto the current 737 frame – which is what they did.

Boeing found that they could put larger engines on the planes as long as they moved the engine more forward on the wing to get more clearance. Making this change affected the aerodynamics of the plane. It didn’t make the plane unflyable. No, the plane would fly perfectly fine. The issue was in the instrumentation. When the plane made a high angle of attack, the computer system would create a warning which engaged the autopilot to correct the error. But, there really wasn’t an error. The autopilot system only thought there was. Pilots who could disengage the system were fine. The two pilot crews who couldn’t crashed.

Let’s remember, the reason the pilots needed to override the autopilot system is because the plane had bigger engines in a different location than was programmed into the computer. This was a direct result of the improved engine from Airbus. The intense competition between Boeing and Airbus and their tit-for-tat competitive moves is what makes businesses great. It’s unfortunate that Boeing played a little loose and fast to stay in the game.

Competition drives innovation and better performance. Sometimes it drives us to be jerks. Regular listeners, you’ve heard me describe my competitive prowess in many podcasts in one incantation or another. I can summarize how I view competition in this sentence. If I’m standing at the urinal and someone comes and stands next to me…it’s a race. Pure and simple.

I am now going to give you my unscientific, non-peer reviewed, resilient leader theory on competition. Are you ready? Got your pencils out? Here’s it is. Rubbin’ is racing. You heard it. Rubbin’ is racing. This theory has been endorsed by none other than Cole Trickle and Tom Cruise.

The theory is simple here’s how it works. Cole Trickle was a hot new NASCAR driver with an equally hot temper and this attitude get him into trouble not only with other drivers, but members of his own team as well. Let me stop for a second. Do we all appreciate that Cole Trickle is a fictional character from the movie Days of Thunder? He’s played by Tom Cruise. Wait, not accurate, he’s over acted by Tom Cruise. And, while the over acting is very cheesy there are some great scenes about the intensity of the competition. Harry Hogge, that’s Cole’s crew chief here is talking to Cole during a race.

Harry: Cole, you’re wandering all over the track!
Cole: Yeah, well this son of a bitch just slammed into me.
Harry: No, no, he didn’t slam you, he didn’t bump you, he didn’t nudge you…he rubbed you. And rubbin’ son, is racin’.

Let’s talk about how this Boeing and Airbus situation is getting to rubbin’. There are two primary jet engine manufacturers; Rolls Royce and GE. Presently, Rolls Royce supplies all the engines for Airbus and GE dominates the Boeing products with a 63% market. Here’s the rub, because the 737MAX has been grounded for nearly a year, GE is left with a significant amount of slack manufacturing capacity. Enter Airbus. Airbus is enticing GE to produce engines for them. This is great for GE as the Boeing issues are affecting profitability. Rather than leave their plant idle they can produce AND diversify their customer base in one shot. Because of the long lead nature of making airplanes, lengthy contracts need to be in place because the cost of switching suppliers is expensive.
Meaning, Airbus can now take advantage of the grounding of the 737MAX by tying up their tier one supplier of jet engines. Even if Airbus takes away a small amount of GE’s capacity, it will be that much less that Boeing can rely on when they are back in the air. This is absolutely beautiful and what makes business strategy so beautiful.
How does this story relate to resilient leaders? In many ways, it’s pleasant to think about creating win-win situations. However, sometimes you are in direct competition with someone or with another company. When that happens, we need to be prepared with the correct strategic moves to take advantage of a weakness. Please don’t think of this as preying on the weak. It may be more about accentuating your strengths to your benefit.
Here are some thoughts on competition from Dale Earnhardt. “Finishing races is important, but racing is more important.” But a better one may come from Dick Trickle. Just for your information, that’s the guy’s actual name, Dick Trickle. His mother named him that. Mr. Trickle said, “Why would you race if you weren’t going to be up front?” Amen to some healthy competition.

Folks, thank you for listening to Swimming in the Flood. Resilient leaders face challenging currents and it is tough navigating, but with one tack or another we can get there together.

I will be giving the keynote speech at the US CFO Conference being held at the Boston Marriott – Burlington on the evening of March 2nd. Search thenetwork-group to find tickets.

If you’ve got a couple of minutes, please check out my new website, trenttheroux.com. And, while you’re thinking of it – subscribe to the podcast. That way you can get developing resilient leader theories hot off the presses. If you would like to discuss your next speaking or training event please send me an email at info@trenttheroux.com.

Thanks for taking the time to listen. See ya.

30. People Like Me

Here’s a little quiz for you. What does winning the lottery, dark chocolate, using a Stairmaster and Facebook have in common? Lottery, dark chocolate, Stairmaster and Facebook. Any guesses? The answer is they all give you a dose of dopamine. What’s dopamine? I think you’re going to like this answer.

Welcome to Swimming in the Flood; a podcast where we develop the resilient leader’s mindset by navigating difficult currents in business. My name is Trent Theroux.

Dopamine is responsible for the little burst of happiness you feel when you get Facebook likes. Our brains produce the chemical dopamine when we win, eat a delicious meal, or exercise, but most importantly, when we engage in successful interactions. Upon the pleasure sensation we derive from these types of experiences, our brain floods with dopamine, and we are motivated to have the same experience again. Thus, the more likes you get, the happier you feel. When you get a positive response on social media, the brain releases dopamine. Social media stimulates that reward cycle, which is why you want more of it.

Scientists have long believed that dopamine is responsible for pleasure in the brain. Now it seems that rather than creating pleasure, it makes us seek pleasure. This is the reason we keep checking over and over again for Facebook likes. Dopamine gives us the psychological high when we see the likes, making us want more -dopamine and likes.
This isn’t unique to Facebook. I remember getting the same feeling in 1st grade. For Valentine’s Day, my teacher had each student create a mail slot for the valentine day’s cards we would exchange. We were to decorate the mail slot with our name and other designs, which for me meant a lot a scribbling. My mother took me to the store to buy a box of cheap Valentine’s cards and I went home to personalize each. The teacher gave each student a roster of the class, so we didn’t miss anyone. I remember lying on my living room carpet writing the names of the twenty classmates on the envelopes and signing each with a “Love Trent.”

On Valentine’s Day, two students were selected to be mailmen. I wasn’t selected. We handed our cards to the mailmen and they delivered them into each student’s mail slot. The classroom desks were arranged into a big box so we could see everyone as they opened their cards. The classroom got very noisy. At the end of the exchange I counted that I only received 18 cards. Only 18. Who didn’t give me a card? I arranged the cards in the order that the people were sitting around the class. First, I realized that pickle-nosed James didn’t give me a card. Who cares? I didn’t like James and his pickle nose. Then, I realized that Karen didn’t give me a card? I was nice to Karen. I gave a card to Karen. Why didn’t she give me a card?

It was funny. I was more upset about the single card I didn’t receive than the 18 cards I did receive. It bothered me when I got home and I talked about it at the dinner table. I asked, “Why doesn’t Karen like me?” My Dad offered, “If you didn’t pick your nose so much…” My mother promptly slapped him across the chest. But it bothered me. I was fixate on who didn’t like me more than the number of people who did.

Let me ask you a serious question. When you review your posts do you often find yourself wondering why certain people did not respond or click like? Sure you do. Most of us do. How many times has that happened to you? Post something on Facebook and you check in to see how many likes you have? I know…most of us right? How many times do you actually check? I mean what is the number of times you go back to the post to see what new person clicked like on your post? Daily? Hourly? Every few minutes? Do you have your phone set to give you an alert when someone likes your post? We now know the physiological reasons for doing that. We are seeking a release of dopamine into our systems. The dopamine works for me as well. I check how many downloads to this podcast I have. When I first started this podcast a year ago, I use to check every day. Heck, the first two episodes I was checking every hour. Validation that my work meant something to my listeners.

Perhaps there’s another way that we can get great validation.

I am now going to give you my unscientific, non-peer reviewed, resilient leader theory on validation. Are you ready? Got your pencils out? Here’s it is. Create Great Content. You heard it. Create Great Content. This theory has been endorsed by none other than Gene Roddenberry.

The theory is simple. Here’s how it works. Gene Roddenberry was the legendary creator of the television show Star Trek. Love it, like it, obsess over it or hate it, I will say that everybody listening to this podcast knows of Star Trek. But did you know that the original Star Trek was cancelled after three seasons? The show only lasted three seasons. Roddenberry commented that he made the mistake of appealing to a comparatively literate group. His point was that he tried to create great, sophisticated content. But, it just hadn’t found its audience yet. Now, though, there have been six spinoffs from the original series. Six! And, there have been thirteen movies made! For a show that didn’t get many likes originally, it became a billion dollar enterprise. Enterprise – sorry I couldn’t help myself.

How do we translate this validation message to developing resilient leaders? First, creating great content will lead to an audience response. I don’t want the marketing folks in the audience to get worked up here. Yes, we need to market our great content. But, great content grows on its own, virally. Second, why are we posting something? Is it for our own benefit or for our audience’s? If you answer this question honestly you will get the heart of validation.

Putting material into the world for our own benefit means, to me, that we are actively seeking acceptance from our connections. In many ways, it doesn’t matter what we produce it only matters how it relates back to us.
Resilient leaders craft great content because they want to be of benefit to their audience. Think of the manager sends a positive message to her team. Think of inventor working on a break through drug. Think of the film maker shaping a tense scene. Each of these isn’t about the creator, but rather the recipient. How will the employee react when they receive the positive message from their boss?

Dopamine serves a wonderful purpose in our bodies, but the effect is fleeting. In many ways it’s like caffeine, you need another dose to maintain the buzz. Validation is more like love. It grows from within and we emit it from our bodies. If you want to feel validation today, send someone a Valentine’s Day card. Heck, if I knew Karen’s address, I would send one to her.

Folks, thank you for listening to Swimming in the Flood. Resilient leaders face challenging currents and it is tough navigating, but with one tack or another we can get there together.

If you’ve got a couple of minutes, please check out my new website, trenttheroux.com. And, while you’re thinking of it – subscribe to the podcast. That way you can get developing resilient leader theories hot off the presses. I’m speaking on March 2nd at the US CFO Conference in Boston. There are ticket available and you don’t have to even be a CFO to get in the door. If you would like to discuss your next speaking or training event please send me an email at info@trenttheroux.com.

Thanks for taking the time to listen. See ya.

29. Reject Me Once

We were walking in Wayland Square on the east side of Providence on an unseasonably cool June morning. Just poking our heads into shops, I graduated college three weeks earlier and didn’t have a dime to buy anything of value. It was our third date, our fourth meeting if you count the time we were just kissing in her car. I don’t remember conversing about anything in particular it’s normally small talk for people in their early twenties getting to know each other. Until, she told me that her therapist thought it was best if she wasn’t dating. My head snapped to attention from the bakery window I was staring into. “What?” “My therapist said it was best if I wasn’t dating.” It took me a minute to process this sentence given that we were actually on a date and my response was absolutely perfect – at least I think it was. I said, “My therapist told me that I should have that chocolate brownie.” And, I walked into the store to buy the treat. Well, how would you have handled the rejection?

Welcome to Swimming in the Flood; a podcast where we develop the resilient leader’s mindset by navigating difficult currents in business. My name is Trent Theroux.

In his book Emotional First Aid, Guy Winch describes that rejections can cause four distinct psychological wounds, the severity of which depends on the situation and our emotional health at the time. Specifically, rejections elicit emotional pain so sharp it affects our thinking, floods us with anger, erodes our confidence and self-esteem, and destabilizes our fundamental feeling of belonging.

In my case, the rejection wasn’t tragic and the wound was healed with a chocolate brownie. In other cases, rejection can lead to more harmful results and as developing resilient leaders we need to prepare ourselves with coping mechanisms. Because, trust me, rejection is coming.

Rejection confronts everyone in some manner or another. Ask an author or an actor how many times they’ve been rejected. Those two wear rejection like a badge of honor. Herman Melville’s book Moby Dick was rejected many times. One publisher wrote to Melville, “We must ask, does it have to be a whale?” That was a serious rejection considering that the book was about a whale. Other rejections may still sting, but the rejecter knows it will sting so they try to soften the blow. Or maybe you got rejected by this letter, “You name has been submitted to us along with your photo and I regret to inform you that we will not be able to use your body in Playgirl. On a scale of 0-10 your body was rated negative two by our panel of women ranging in ages from 45-55 years old. We tried to assemble a panel of women in the age bracket 20-35 but we could not get them to stop laughing long enough to reach a decision. Should the tastes of American women ever change so drastically that bodies such as yours would be appealing and appreciated in our magazine we will be certain to notify you.” How’s that for stinging? I was starting to feel personally a little objectified until I read the P.S. line. It reads, “We do commend you for your unusual pose. Were you wounded in the war or do you ride a bicycle a lot?” Maybe the guy had the rejection coming to him.

In 2011, AT&T attempted to acquire T-Mobile for $39 billion. At the time, AT&T was a distant second in total subscribers to Verizon. The merger would have made them number one in the market place by adding an additional 25% more subscribers to its base. The federal justice department rejected the merger and brought a lawsuit against AT&T claiming that the acquisition would lead to higher prices and fewer choices. AT&T walked away from the deal later in the year. But, they did not walk away from their growth strategy. Understanding that greater consolidation in the telecommunications market was blocked, they turned their focus to peripheral industries. In 2015, they acquired DirectTV. In 2018, they acquired Time Warner. AT&T did not accept their rejection. They made something better because of it.

Rejection confronts everyone in some manner or another.
I am now going to give you my unscientific, non-peer reviewed, resilient leader theory on being prepared for opportunity. Are you ready? Got your pencils out? Here’s it is. Rejection is Rocket Fuel. You heard it. Rejection is Rocket Fuel. This theory has been endorsed by NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory.

The theory is simple. Here’s how it works. By acknowledging that we are going to be rejected at some point, or at many points, we can prepare ourselves in advance to manage the emotional stress from the rejection.

In 1984, during the fall of my senior year of high school, the New England area was transfixed with Boston College football. Doug Flutie was scrambling and chucking the pigskin towards the Heisman Trophy. On a slow Saturday night at the Cathay Dragon, the restaurant where I worked as a busboy, I watched the Hail Mary Flutie threw to Gerald Phelan against the University of Miami. Flutie spun through the backfield avoiding defenders like a matador. He heaved the ball towards the end zone and the ball’s trajectory perfectly guided it over the wall of waiting defenders and into the belly of Phelan. I cheered and nearly dropped my tray. That pass solidified my desire to attend Boston College the following year.

Unfortunately, for me, one hundred thousand other teenage boys were watching the same game and had the exact same thought. During my campus interview with the Boston College admissions office, the officer told me that applicants increased by a factor of five that year. In addition, “wasn’t it amazing what a good football year can do for admissions?”

My A- grade average and 1200 SAT scores lacked the cache to walk into Boston College. Being an Irish Catholic wasn’t going to put the “approved” stamp on my application either. I needed to appeal to the Athletic Department for help. Heck, if football players who read at a third grade level can go to Boston College free, a decent local swimmer that will actually attend religion class should get on the roster.

I met with the Boston College swim coach and we talked for a few minutes about the program and its lackluster history. I told him of my Flutie problem and inquired what help he could give to a young backstroker who was ready to bleed Crimson and Gold. “Nothing” he replied. Nothing. The answer was cold and curt. He told me that he already had a solid backstroker and two more were already coming in through early admissions and he didn’t need another. My short-lived overly hyped dream of becoming a Boston College Eagle was over. My moderate grades and scores proved not to be enough for the “Flutie Bump.”

I enrolled at Providence College the next year and quickly began to bleed Black and White, eagerly awaiting the dual meet with Boston College in January.

January came and the team traveled to Boston’s Chestnut Hill. The first race of the dual meet was the 400 Medley Relay, started with a 100-yard backstroke. Taking my mark in the middle lane, I looked to each side of me to try to identify my enemies. To the left was a boy who looked to be my age. He must be one of those wicked smaht early admission pukes. To my right was their veteran, John Blood. I stared the longest at him. The race was over in a flash. I beat both Jesuits by more than a body length. The 200 back, later in the meet, was a closer affair. John Blood and I were nearly even at the 175 yard turn, but I had a little more to finish the race and beat him by a full second. At the conclusion of the meet, the two teams stood in line to congratulate each other. When I shook the Boston College coach’s hand, I employed the strongest grip I possessed and refused to let him go. I asked the coach if he remembered me. “No” was all he said. “I interviewed with you a year ago and you told me that you didn’t need any backstrokers. Well, I just smoked your backstrokers today and I’m not going to lose a race to you for the next four years.” I released my grip and walked away. Nothing else to say and never looking back.

True confession. I was a bit melodramatic when I was a teenager. Let’s blame it on the acne.

Over 30 years later, I can still feel the sting of that rejection. But, it doesn’t erode my self-esteem, or destabilize my sense of social belonging. No, it fuels me with anger…rage. To this day, I root against the Boston College Eagles whenever they play. I turned the rejection into rocket fuel and burned it to fire myself to into a higher orbit.

The next time you get rejected – and that’s a when not an if – the next time you get rejected use the rejection as rocket fuel and blast yourself into the stratosphere. You might find you really belong up there, you just needed a little motivation…I mean fuel.

Folks, thank you for listening to Swimming in the Flood. Resilient leaders face challenging currents and it is tough navigating, but with one tack or another we can get there together.

If you’ve got a couple of minutes, please check out my new website, trenttheroux.com. And, while you’re thinking of it – subscribe to the podcast. That way you can get developing resilient leader theories hot off the presses. If you would like to discuss your next speaking or training event please send me an email at info@trenttheroux.com.
Thanks for taking the time to listen. See you next time.

28. Antenna Connected

Is your antenna connected and ready to receive signals? Are you actively armed to interface with radio waves propagating through space? Are you prepared to intercept some of the power of a radio wave in order to produce an electric current in your brain? Mmm, let me put it more simply. Are you ready to receive a buying signal from a customer?

Welcome to Swimming in the Flood; a podcast where we develop the resilient leader’s mindset by navigating difficult currents in business. My name is Trent Theroux.

Buying signals quite often are as visible as radio waves. Most people don’t stand on street corners with flashy signs reading “Sell to me today!” Nor do they advertise on television that they are prepared to sign purchase orders if you call before 5:00…but wait there’s more! Buying signs most times are far subtler.

Try this. Think about the last time you bought a new car. The car didn’t need to be new, it just needed to be new to you. Think about some of the reasons you purchased your car. Maybe it was the color, or the style, you needed it for work or a bigger family car. Now I want you try to remember the first time you sat in the car. That was a pretty cool feeling right? Can you smell the car? You took it out on the road for the first time, for your first ride and what did you notice? Did you notice that your new car was everywhere? Did it seem like every fifth or sixth car was the same as yours? My magic mirror is showing me that a shiny lightbulb just went off over your head.

This effect is common and it’s called the Baader-Meinhor phenomenon. Sometimes its referred to as the frequency illusion or recently illusion. The reason you are noticing all the other people driving the same car as you is that our brains are wired and prejudice towards patterns. The cars you are now noticing have always been there, but now you have a point of reference and your brain automatically identifies matching patterns.
So, what does this have to do with developing as a resilient leader? Everything! Gaining knowledge that we can apply to other places in real time can be used to powerful effect. Making connections at the precise moment can be the difference between success and failure.

Let’s try an experiment to test the Baader-Meinhor phenomenon and test your pattern recognition skills when it comes to making connections. Have you ever heard of a guiro? G-U-I-R-O. The guiro is a Latin American percussion instrument consisting of an open-ended, hollow gourd with parallel notches cut in one side. It is played by rubbing a stick or tines along the notches to produce a ratchet sound. Here is the instrument in use on the Rolling Stones’ Gimme Shelter. It’s the one that sounds like your scratching a post. (Play song open) I’m sure that you’ve heard this song dozens of times; on the radio or in movies or from cover bands.

Do you have the instrument’s sound in your head? Could you hear its distinctive sound? Good. Most likely you thought it was a cool sound at the song’s intro, right? Let’s go back to our original question. Is your antenna connected? I’m going to play you a different section of the song, a section you may be more familiar with. Feel free to sing along with me? Very often the lyrics are what we focus on rather than the music the band is playing. In most cases, the band plays their music first and the vocals are recorded after. In that case, neither party is interrupted as they conduct their side of the music. Listen one more time and see if you can identify the guiro in the background.

Do you hear it? It’s almost like you can’t listen to the song without hearing it now, right? I promise you that every time you hear this song you will always hear the guiro, just like when you drive on the road you notice the other cars which are exactly like yours. So, how can the understanding of the Baader-Meinhor phenomenon and pattern recognition benefit developing resilient leaders? I’m glad you asked.

I am now going to give you my unscientific, non-peer reviewed, resilient leader theory on being prepared for opportunity. Are you ready? Got your pencils out? Here’s it is. Raise your antenna. You heard it. Raise your antenna. This theory has been endorsed by Federal Communication Commission.

The theory is simple. Here’s how it works. We know that our minds are wired to recognize patterns; in life and in business. By having our antenna always up we can identify those rare moments when someone gives us a clue that they’re ready to buy, if something is on sale, if someone has a preference, or if an opportunity is imminent. Because we are listening for these cues we can make instant pattern recognitions to best take advantage of the situation. Let me give you a non-business example of how it worked for me.

Last week I was at Disney’s EPCOT in line for the Test Track ride. The lines over the school holiday were ridiculous. The wait time for the ride was 100 minutes. To enter as a single rider the line was 35 minutes. It’s been a generation since I went to EPCOT and I wanted to take a shot at their premier attraction. The line into the ride was out of the building and around the corner. High above the line was a track of road that a car would ride along outside of the building. Every 8 seconds you could hear the distinctive whiz of another car passing over head. Whiz…whiz…whiz. We waited in the single line and moved our way through the typical Disney maze to the point that I could see the loading of the cars. Then, the announcement came. “This ride is temporarily suspended.” A collective groan rise from the queue. Everyone sat down to wait it out until, “This attraction is closed indefinitely.” You can imagine the frustration of the crowd. We all waited our turn…patiently. We were so close to closing the deal and we lost it.

I checked the EPCOT app on my phone during the balance of the day but the ride remained closed. And, lines for other attractions were increasing because the patrons had to go somewhere. After we finished dinner around 8:00, we were prepared to sit around the EPCOT world showcase lagoon to wait for the 9:00 fireworks show when I heard a faint “whiz”. I turned my head, cocked my ear, eyes to the sky. “Whiz”. I grabbed my companion’s arm and without a word marched us towards Test Track. Whiz…Whiz…Whiz. We reached the attraction and zoomed through the maze to the start of the attraction. The attendant told us that we were the first ones on the ride and we had the entire place to ourselves. In a theme park filled with nearly 100,000 people we were the only people on the ride. Absolutely incredible. When we finished it was a no-brainer to go back on again. This time, the wait was about 10 minutes. Word travels fast when there’s an opportunity. When we finished our second ride we noticed that the line had gone back to its normal wait time of an hour. Just like that the opportunity passed.

It was because my antenna was up that we enjoyed the VIP treatment. My antenna was up and I was ready to act…two key requirements for developing resilient leaders. Where can we apply the lesson? Many places – sales, the stock market, scuttle from your employees what your spouse wants for Valentine’s day…it can be applied everywhere. Keep your antenna up and you will find multitudes of opportunities around you.

Folks, thank you for listening to Swimming in the Flood. Resilient leaders face challenging currents and it is tough navigating, but with one tack or another we can get there together.

If you’ve got a couple of minutes, please check out my new website, trenttheroux.com. I’d love feedback if you have any. And, while you’re thinking of it – subscribe to the podcast. That way you can get developing resilient leader theories hot off the presses.

27. Forging Marley’s Chains

How long is your chain? Well, that was a rather awkward question. Sorry, I wasn’t jerking your chain, yanking your chain or listening to Two Chains. I sincerely want to know how long your chain is. Have you forged a long and heavy chain? A heavy steel chain tied down with cash-boxes, keys, padlocks, ledgers, deeds, and heavy purses. Is that your chain?

Welcome to Swimming in the Flood; a podcast where we develop the resilient leader’s mindset by navigating difficult currents in business. My name is Trent Theroux.

“I wear the chain I forged in life,” replied the Ghost. “I made it link by link, and yard by yard; I girded it on of my own free will, and of my own free will I wore it.” You may recognize this passage from Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol. Scrooge just met the ghost of his business partner Jacob Marley and was frightened to see the man he knew since a boy tormented by his position in the afterlife.

So, I will ask again – how long is your chain? I guess the answer for each of us is that we don’t actually know until we reach the afterlife. Many of us, myself included, probably think that our chains aren’t that long. We probably think that we are kind and generous people and perpetually in search of doing what is right. Maybe I have a story that will question that ethos.

A Christmas Carol has been performed by Trinity Repertory since 1977. Adrain Hall’s musical interpretation of the fabled moral classic leaves audiences tapping their toes when they exit the theater following the redemption of Ebenezer Scrooge.

My son, Max, auditioned to be in the show when he was seven and to our surprise, he was cast as Tiny Tim. He fit the role so well that he was in the cast when he was eight and nine…then he hit a little growth spurt and he wasn’t so tiny anymore. A quick tangent. Matinee shows were often attended by local schools. It was a wonderful treat for students to attend an adult theater production. Following one performance, I was prepared to take Max for lunch before I drove him back to school. He was out of his costume and make up and transformed back into being just Max. There were three school busses lined up in front of the theater. When Max and I exited the theater we heard one girl scream, “There’s Tiny Tim!” Girls pressed against the inside of the bus, pounding their fists on the windows screaming, “Tiny Tim, Tiny Tim.” It was an out of control scene straight out of a Justin Bieber concert. “Tiny Tim, Tiny Tim.” I asked Max if he wanted to stay a while around the bus. “Nah,” he said, “can we get pizza.” I sighed thinking “Son, there will be a time in your life when the pizza won’t seem so important.”
I remember one night in Max’s first season. We walked out of the theater with the crowd. Normally, we would wait under the marquee for Max. As we walked out of the theater we noticed three beggars along the front wall on both sides of the marquee. Theater patrons exiting the show stepped around them, over them and in one case through them to get from the cold night back to the comfort of their cars.

To me the scene was disgusting. Minutes before, these patrons cheered and clapped for one of the greatest redemption stories in literature. The watched Scrooge turn from a squeezing, wrenching, grasping, scraping, clutching, covetous, mean old man into a lion who cherished the poor and his own salvation. Yet, when given an opportunity to apply the lesson they just witnessed, the theater patrons trampled over the beggars in the street as if they didn’t exist.

Hard and sharp as flint, from which no steel had struck out generous fire; secret, self-contained, and solitary as an oyster. That was Scrooge and maybe some of the patrons.

I witnessed a social experiment take place in three acts. First, the beggars knew their target market. Affluent people who just were touched by a story of generosity towards the poor. The beggars positioned themselves in the perfect spot and at the perfect time to take advantage of these emotions. Act Two, in every show since, the police stationed an officer outside to thwart beggars from taking residence in front of the theater, mainly to eliminate the inconvenience felt by the theater goers of seeing beggars in the street. Final Act, the theater started asking for donations to benefit the local food bank. At the end of each show, the cast announced that they would be posted near the exits collecting donations.

Now, here is where I observed people forging chains. The majority of the patrons did not put money into the baskets. I’m not criticizing people for not giving money. Charity is how you define it. Charity does not need to be given in money; it can be given various ways. But, charity needs to be given. Developing Resilient Leaders should accept that they are fortunate – fortunate to be given the skills to know that they are leaders – on the cusp of being leaders – on the path. And, leadership requires responsibility. It requires responsibility towards society as a whole. Marley’s chain grew and grew because he forgot that responsibility. The story shows how idealistic Marley was as a youth. The world to him was beautiful and he was fortunate to have a magical place in it. Time eroded that idealism. Hardened him. Marley died young. Only in death could he see the massive chain that he forged. Only after it was too late for Marley did he appreciate how he isolated himself from his fellow man.

I am now going to give you my unscientific, non-peer reviewed, resilient leader theory on showing charity. Are you ready? Got your pencils out? Here’s it is. Give time to a soup kitchen. You heard it. Give time to a soup kitchen. This theory has been endorsed by nearly 20 million Americans who use their services in any given year.
Here’s how the theory works. Maybe you are like me in that you feel good when you donate money to charity. You write a check, use the “donate now” button on Facebook, or stuff a few dollars in the Salvation Army bucket. It makes you feel good about yourself. For a long time in my life giving money was a fair way to measure that I was a good person and doing my part for society. It took years to realize that I was only assuaging my sense of guilt. I gave money mainly out of guilt.

Now, I give my time. I donate my time (and my money). I’m proud of the work that I do for RISE Above Paralysis. Many of you know my story and understand how personal their mission is to me. My mission has become – I do for other because I got out of the wheelchair. I do it for those who won’t get out of their wheelchair. That’s the lesson I learned.

Marley learned that lesson and sought to teach it to Scrooge. Live with an open heart. Care for others. Be kind. Be gentle. Think of how you can improve people rather than ameliorate guilt. It is these lessons that will make us Resilient Leaders.

I ask of you this holiday season. Give some of your time to your fellow man. Help them string up some lights. Let them in front of you in rush hour traffic. Work two hours in a soup kitchen. It doesn’t need to be money. Charity is defined as help for those in need.

In the words of one of my favorite characters, “Come in, — come in! And know me better, man! I am the Ghost of Christmas Present. Look upon me! You have never seen the like of me before!” I sincerely hope that after this season of giving, the resilient leaders in the audience will be able to say the same to strangers as they pass along the sidewalk.

Folks, thank you for listening to Swimming in the Flood. Resilient leaders face challenging currents and it is tough navigating, but with one tack or another we can get there together.
If you’ve got a couple of minutes, please check out my new website, trenttheroux.com. I’d love feedback if you have any. And, while you’re thinking of it – subscribe to the podcast. That way you can get developing resilient leader theories hot off the presses.

I look forward to getting together next time. And, in the immortal words of Tiny Tim, “God bless us all, everyone!.”

26. Courage Knows No Age

Last week I was in a local bar and was eavesdropping on a conversation between two septuagenarians. The two men were telling stories with the quick pace and tempo of a Muhammed Ali jab. The punchline would hit you before you even saw it coming. Their stories were about life, politics and sport. Each short and seemed to take place 30 to 50 years ago. It wasn’t long before I was laughing in my beer trying to be discreet about my social faux pas. One of the gentlemen caught me snickering and called me over. I approached them and one asked me, “How ugly do you think my friend here is?” Ok…what is the right way to respond to that question? Do I give him a direct response? Do I call the bartender over to ignore the question? Or, do I whip up a quick story about an ugly uncle I have?
Welcome to Swimming in the Flood; a podcast where develop the resilient leader’s mindset by navigating difficult currents in business. My name is Trent Theroux.

I chose option three and whipped up a quick story about my ugly uncle. There are two things of note in this response. First, Paul Zak, director of the Neuroeconomics Studies center at Claremont Graduate university, wrote “As social creatures, we depend on others for our survival and happiness. My lab discovered that a neurochemical called oxytocin is a key “it’s safe to approach others” signal in the brain. Oxytocin is produced when we are trusted or shown a kindness, and it motivates cooperation with others. It does this by enhancing the sense of empathy, our ability to experience others’ emotions.” I choose option three because I was seeking a connection with these old rascals. Now, in truth, I don’t have an ugly uncle. Or at least I don’t want to tell him that he’s ugly.

Storytelling is a key to unlocking relationships with other people. Since we were children we always asked for a story. My son growing up always wanted to hear a story in our car rides. He was seeking stories about our family, but in truth he was seeking a connection to me and to our family through the story. Not once did my son ever ask for statistical data from a story. Not once did he ever ask me the weight in pounds and ounces of the largest turkey we ate. He simply asked me to tell him the big turkey story again and again. – And, I always gave it to him.

My magic mirror shows me that many of you are wondering how this connects to our goal of developing resilient leaders. It’s a good question. Phillip Pullman once said, “After nourishment, shelter, and companionship, stories are the thing we need most in the world.” As developing resilient leaders we need to be able to connect with people on a human level, a relatable level, not a statistical or data driven…or price driven level. Let me give you an example.

Two weeks ago I was in Toronto and shopping for a new suit to wear for a conference where I was giving a speech. You may think like me that when you are dressed well and look good your game is at a higher level. Well, this store provided each patron with a personal shopper. Maya picked out a reddish jacket, blue solid shirt and a dark purple brown and grey checked pant to try. In the changing room I noticed that the pants were a little tighter than I normally wear. Not tighter in the waist, but through the seat and thighs. I emerged wearing the outfit. Purple, brown and grey pants are one thing, the fact that they felt like saran wrap around my thighs was another. “Maya, I’m in my 50s. Guys my age don’t wear these styles and colors.” She smiled, spun me around to look at the back and said, “Trent, courage knows no age.” I went back into the dressing room rolling that sentence on my tongue. Courage knows no age. Ten minutes later I was at the checkout buying all three items without looking at the price tags.

So, is this a good story? Well, master storyteller, Ed Tate, would suggest that it covers all 4.5 criteria good story.

I am now going to give you my unscientific, non-peer reviewed, resilient leader theory on showing storytelling. Are you ready? Got your pencils out? Here’s it is. Head.Heart.Humor.Hard Hitting. You heard it. Head.Heart.Humor.Hard Hitting. This theory has been endorsed and espoused by the legend Ed Tate himself.
Here’s how the theory works. There are 4 main components of a good story. The head is to make you think. The heart is for you to connect. Humor is to make you laugh. And, Hard hitting because that is the point. Head. Heart. Humor. Hard Hitting. Four parts to every good story. Now, Alfred Hitchcock said “Movies are like life with the boring bits cut out.” Exactly. Quick question how many of you were fans of the TV show 24? I loved that show. It was must watch TV on Monday nights. Think of the lead Jack Bauer…constantly in and out of trouble, shootings, car crashes, and interrogations. Can you picture him? Good. Ever see him go to the bathroom? Me neither. More basic…ever see him drink a glass of water? Hitchcock’s point a good story is life less the boring bits.

Let’s see how my story about clothes shopping did to follow these four parts. Head to make you think. Heart to help you connect. Humor to make you laugh. Hard hitting because that’s the point. Head – I had a problem. I needed a new suit for a speech I was giving. Heart – how did I try to connect with you? Many people might feel the same way I do that when they are better dressed they feel more confident. Humor – did I give you a funny image? Wearing purple, brown and grey checked pants that fit like saran wrap is not a look for a man in his 50s. Hard hitting – what was the message? Maya told me that courage knows no age. She reframed my insecurity about the clothes by removing my age from the equation. At the same time, as a saleswoman she was closing me on the sale.
Last thing about the story. When you are telling a story – life minus the boring parts – you should be able to keep the story to one minute or less. I know that is tough for some of us. Sometimes, I am wired for maximum verbosity. But, the story needs to get to the punch quickly to be most effective. Joke telling is similar. Two line jokes deliver a punch and a twist rapidly – which is why they are very effective. Stories can be just as brief.

Head. Heart. Humor. Hard Hitting. This format works every time. For developing resilient leaders, our ability to communicate our message to others is crucial. Communicating through a simple, yet poignant story can have a powerful effect on the person or crowd you are seeking to influence.

Let’s try an exercise…yes, I’m giving you a podcast homework assignment. Later tonight, I want you to take five minutes away from your phones and family members. I’m only asking for five quiet minutes for some personal development. Ok, now I want you to use half that time to create a story. The story should be about something of interest that happened to you in the last week. Something that you have not told someone else. It could be something momentous in your life or rather banal. It doesn’t matter. Once you have the story in your head, I want you to write out the four parts; head, heart, humor & hard hitting. Try to keep these points very short. Remember, the objective is to be able to tell the story in only one minute.

Please give this a try. Have some fun. And, I will ask you for a favor. Send me a LinkedIn message of your Hard Hitting point. If we’re not connected on LinkedIn then let’s connect. But, I would enjoy seeing the Hard Hitting lines that some of you have.

Last week, I did this exercise for a sales team of 30 people. The exercise worked well because I asked some of the salespeople to act as coaches to sharpen the story. The improvements made each story stronger and more memorable. By the time we were done, each member had a strong one-minute story to tell – and, more importantly – a method for creating new stories. I was thrilled that this company hired me to help their sales team and I look forward to hearing how their improved storytelling affects their bottom line.

Folks, thank you for listening to Swimming in the Flood. Resilient leaders face challenging currents and it is tough navigating, but with one tack or another we can get there together.

If you’ve got a couple of minutes, please check out my new website, www.trenttheroux.com I’d love feedback if you have any. And, while you’re thinking of it – subscribe to the podcast. That way you can get developing resilient leader theories hot off the presses.

I look forward to getting together next time. See you.

25. Thank You Noted

Tell me one thing that makes you feel good when you come home from work. Just one thing. Is it the dog? The dog jumping up on your legs as if you were lost at sea for the past eight months. Is it the smell of something good cooking in the kitchen? A warm, hearty soup waiting for you. Is it small children screaming for you to look at the pretty picture they made in art today that resembles blood spatter photos from a CSI episode? For me, one thing that makes me feel good when I come home from work it to find a thank you card in my mailbox. Silly right? Not from the perspective of the person sending the card.

Welcome to Swimming in the Flood; a podcast where develop the resilient leader’s mindset by navigating difficult currents in business. My name is Trent Theroux.

I recently gave a speech at the University of Rhode Island to a group of over 100 seniors about developing resilient leaders. The students, like most of my audiences, laughed at the funny sections, cried at the tearful sections and used their pencils to take notes of my leadership tips. Then, they did something I did not expect. Ten days after my speech I arrived home and found a large paper package in my mailbox. Inside the package were over 100 printed letters and hand written cards from the students. Each expressing gratitude for the time I took out of my schedule and the lessons I provided.

The letters are the brainchild of their professor, Gail Alofsin. In case you’ve never met Gail, you might find her flying around Newport, Rhode Island in her cape with a large S on her chest for Superwoman. Gail is the type of person who makes you feel good about yourself from the minute you meet her and she makes a tremendous, positive impact on the lives of her charges in the Communications class at URI.

Here is a small sample of what the students wrote, “It inspires me that you work hard with everything you do turning your tragic accident into something wonderful that not only helped others with spinal cord disabilities, but you improved yourself.” Thank you for your letter Olivia.

One more, “I learned that when challenges hit you, it’s okay to accept help. Hearing your advice was rather humbling as I struggle with asking for help. But in reality it’s a good thing.” Thank you card Madison.
Now, there may be some skeptics out there that say – “sure they wrote you a letter. It was probably an assignment.” Maybe…maybe you are right. So what? Does it diminish the feeling of joy I had when I opened the package? Hardly.

Maybe we need a different example. Friday, I came home and found a handwritten card in the mailbox. The card had printed Thank You on the front. Inside it read, “Trent, thank you for trusting us to host trenttheroux.com. Please let us know if you need anything!” Signed, the Course Vector Team. I just finished creating my website and moved it to a new host and the hosting team sent me a lovely card. I felt like a champ for spending money with them. No that’s not quite right. I felt like a champ because I was smart enough to select them to do business with. That’s a different feeling. A feeling that I try to give to my customers.

I am now going to give you my unscientific, non-peer reviewed, resilient leader theory on showing gratitude. Are you ready? Got your pencils out? Here’s it is. Send A Thank You Card. You heard it. Send A Thank You Card. This theory has been every member of Hallmark’s Board of Directors.

A study published in the journal of Psychological Science by Amit Kumar, professor at McCoombs School of Business at the University of Texas and Nicholas Epley professor at University of Chicago’s Booth School of Business showed that expressing gratitude improves well-being for both expressers and the recipients, but not in the way each thought it would.

Participants in three experiments wrote gratitude letters and then predicted how surprised, happy, and awkward recipients would feel. Recipients then reported how receiving an expression of gratitude actually made them feel. Can you guess the results? My magic mirror shows me that many of you…can see where this is going!

Expressers significantly underestimated how surprised recipients would be about why expressers were grateful, overestimated how awkward recipients would feel, and underestimated how positive recipients would feel. Expected awkwardness and mood were both correlated with participants’ willingness to express gratitude. Wise decisions are guided by an accurate assessment of the expected value of action. Underestimating the value of prosocial actions, such as expressing gratitude, may keep people from engaging in behavior that would maximize their own—and others’—well-being.
This means that many people won’t send a thank you card because that don’t expect that the person on the receiving end will be thankful that one was sent. Nonsense! How many times have you sent a meaningless “thank you” email?
“Thank you for sending me the file.”
“Your welcome. Thank you for saying thank you.”
“I happily thank you for thanking me.”

The email drivel chain of tepid platitudes almost drives me insane. The rule I work with is simple. Do not send a thank you email. It’s a waste of time typing and reading. Thousands of hours are lost in productivity sending meaningless emails back and forth. Trent, didn’t you just say that people are grateful for receiving a thank you note. Yes, a thank you note…not a thank you email. There is a significant difference. One takes forethought to have a card or stock paper, find a pen, hand write your sentiments, address the card, apply a stamp and walk to the mailbox. The other requires you to utilize the artificial intelligence in your email system. Get the difference? Can you see why I ban the email thank yous from my office and near burst with joy when I receive one in my mailbox?
Emily Post, the maven of etiquette, would say this, “Sometimes it’s easy to write off a heartfelt thank-you note. Other times, writer’s block can set in—especially when you are staring down a large stack of them. Before you start, remember that thanking people needs to be about just that: expressing thanks. So refocus, reorganize, and rethink the process. Get in touch with the sincerity of thanking people for thinking about you and giving you something.”

Technology has helped this process in many ways. One that I can express has become the hallmark (okay that was a bad pun.)…had become the hallmark of her communications. My friend Penny Tremblay utilizes a service named Send Out Cards to send her thank yous. Send Out Cards is an online service into which you can upload pictures and write messages. I’m looking now at the card Penny sent me when we first met at a speaking event. She took a selfie of us and added a brief note. Three days later, I received the professionally printed card in the mail with our picture on the front and a thank you note our meeting on the inside. Simple, yet a highly effective way of combining technology and etiquette. Which might be doubly helpful for those of us who failed penmanship in the 3rd grade…both times we went through the 3rd grade.

One last quote from a note to close out the podcast. It comes from URI senior Holly Shepard. “You reminded me to call my mother and thank her. She has reiterated to me throughout my life that when things got hard that she wanted me to be a resilient person. I never thanked my mom for her dedication to make me resilient. Your ability to admit failure, succeed from failure and teach people lessons from your failures is admirable. You inspire me.” No Holly, you inspire me. By writing this beautiful letter, you inspire me to touch more people with my story. Thank you.

Folks, thank you for listening to Swimming in the Flood. Resilient leaders face challenging currents and it is tough navigating, but with one tack or another we can get there together.

I will be giving a brand new speech in the Providence area on November 21st at the ON Leadership Conference being held at the Crowne Plaza. Search for ON Leadership Conference to view the speaker lineup and buy tickets.
If you’ve got a couple of minutes, please check out my new website, trenttheroux.com. I’d love feedback if you have any. And, while you’re thinking of it – subscribe to the podcast. That way you can get developing resilient leader theories hot off the presses.

I look forward to getting together next time. See you.